PC

Picture this: you stroll onto a seedy orbital lot, buy a second-hand starship that looks suspiciously like a humpback whale, and the salesman waves goodbye so fast you can practically smell the afterburn of regret. Welcome to Whale’s Voyage, the 1993 DOS/Amiga curio that duct-tapes Wizardry-style grid crawls to Elite-flavoured commerce, then slathers the result in Euro-techno glitter. […]

Here’s a riddle for your retro-brain: what do you get when two slap-stick goblins, one kidnapped heir nick-named “Prince Buffoon,” and an inventory item literally labelled “pepper” collide inside a point-and-click puzzler that refuses to obey the laws of sensible interface design? (Rhetorical aside; self-owning answer: your mouse mat starts to smell like sizzling grey

Is Goal! a straight-laced football sim or the wobbly back-street cousin who insists every cross should detour like a homing pigeon? (Rhetorical question; self-dragging answer: a bit of both, obviously.) Released in 1993, the year Sensible Software’s stick-men still ruled the terraces and Electronic Arts was busy learning how to pronounce “ma-jell-an” for FIFA International Soccer, Dino Dini’s Goal! marched

Is Global Domination the weird uncle of early-1990s strategy games, or just a misunderstood cousin that shows up to the family reunion in a garish Risk-cosplay cape and insists the hors d’oeuvres be color-coded “brown” and “purple”? (Rhetorical question; self-owning answer: yes, to both.) Released in 1993 by Impressions Games, right after they taught us to pave Roman

Picture the great DOS-platform-pantheon of the early ’90s: at the summit perch the immaculate Commander Keen episodes, Apogee’s brash Duke Nukem barreling through soda-spill keyboards, and Epic’s neon-loud Jazz Jackrabbit limbering up for 256-color footraces. Way down on a creaky, half-forgotten step of that temple sits Gateworld: The Home Planet, a side-scrolling shareware curiosity in which Captain Buzz Klondike, yes, an interstellar prospector named like an ice-cream